Janet's Story

Terry has been ill for 12 years (1998), since he suffered a multi syndrome atrophy following a hernia operation.  Although we’ve been told that the two things are not connected, I have always thought that somehow it was because he was fine before.

The onset of his illness was gradual and that meant that I could get used to looking after him and adjusted my life slowly.  I think it would have been worse if it had been a stroke and this had happened to him overnight.  I just drifted into my role as a carer.......... Terry dislocated his shoulder 6/7 years ago and his condition has gone badly downhill since then.

I look after most of his personal needs and I’m definitely the best person to look after him.  It does worry me that if I became ill Terry would be institutionalised and because he’s a loner he’d become a cabbage. He never asks for anything – not even food or drink – so I worry that he would be neglected.

The thing I find most challenging is keeping Terry talking and focussed.  I ask him questions whenever I can about things I know he knows about to get his mind working. I also like him to meet other people and encourage people to spend time with him.

I miss his companionship and us doing things together.  We used to go out dancing and he did most of the driving when we went out to different places. He was a really keen photographer and even had his own darkroom.

It’s amazing how busy my life is with appointments, trips to the doctors etc. All on top of looking after Terry.  I used to really look after the garden but I don’t have the time to do it anymore and I miss it.

My becoming Terry’s carer has altered our relationship.  It’s less husband and wife – the loving companionship side has gone.  Don’t get me wrong, I do love him but not in the same way that I used to.  We always had quite a volatile relationship though..... I don’t think there was ever a day when we didn’t have a row about something!

I do feel a little bit isolated.  I don’t feel that our old friends really want to be with us anymore as Terry’s condition has worsened

Thanks to Crossroads, I keep up a social life of my own and I use my hours to go to parish council meetings, the W.I. and a monthly Jazz night at the pub which I really enjoy.

Crossroads have helped us out in other ways as well.  They accompanied us to a family wedding so I could have some time socialising without having to be there for Terry every moment.  They did the same for us at a funeral as well which was a great help.

I’ve always been very independent but I’m gradually learning to accept help, stand back and let other people do things for me and Terry.

« Back to Case Studies | Posted on 01/01/1970